I never thought at the age of 27 I would feel so defeated!
It is all an act. I am the person that people come to when they have a problem. I am the one that listens and gives them advice, and happy to do so. I try to always see the bigger picture and look on the bright side. It has always been my nature to put others needs before my own.
I don’t think that anyone truly understands all of the pain I am struggling with inside. I feel like life is slowly slipping away. It can be so unbearable at times. I honestly don’t know how I get any sleep some nights.
The worst pain a person can experience in life, I believe, is to feel like they are unwanted and unloved. I am almost positive that is untrue for me. I know at the very least my parents and siblings love me. But when it comes to certain people that is a whole other situation.
Of all the people I have ever had the privilege of knowing in my lifetime, there was one person that I thought I truly connected with. A person who would always love me in spite of all my flaws, the one person who knew the real me and loved her regardless. He was the greatest thing that ever happened to me, but I think I’ve lost him.
I just remember how he used to make my heart feel, and if he will ever feel for me that way again. I wish I knew what I was doing wrong. I wish I could be everything he wanted me to be.
I would give anything to have that feeling back. I would give anything…